


Like A Ninja, I'll Steal Your Heart

by Wizzy



Category: Fruits Basket (Anime)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 04:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4905100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wizzy/pseuds/Wizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kira doesn't get along with humans too well. So what happens when she runs into Tohru and the Sohmas? And why don't the boys transform when she hugs them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meet Kira

I'm Kira. I'm that girl who always sits in the back of the class and never gets noticed by anyone. Well, anyone outside of the people who seem to like picking on me. But that's not important right now. What  _is_ important is the fact that I've run away from home and now I'm living in the woods alone.

I sat underneath a tree, listening to a song on my mp3 player. Since there wasn't any way to charge it, I'd have to limit how much used it. But if I was alone, I'd be alright. I didn't exactly like other humans, so this place really suited me.

_Like a ninja out of the dark, I'll steal your heart._

_Maybe give you more than I should, make you feel good._

As it played, I sang along. It was something I liked doing, though I'd never sing if I knew anyone could hear me. It was song I enjoyed singing, as it tended to make my feel better when I was feeling down.

_Like a tiger burning through the night; You're the fire, got you in my sight._

A sudden noise in a nearby bush caught my attention and I stopped singing immediately. Even with headphones on, I still made an effort to pay attention to my surroundings. That was one of my few talents. Well, my few  _useful_ talents. I was pretty good with video games, but that really didn't do much for me.

A moment later, a large brown dog appeared.  _No collar, must be a stray,_ I thought, watching it closely as I stuffed the headphones in my bag. It came closer, growling at me the whole time. I must have been on its territory.  _Sucks to be him. My spot now._

I merely stayed where I was, growling back at it. He still kept getting closer and then lunged at me. I threw my arm up, blocking its bite. The dog's teeth sunk into my arm, ripping into my flesh. In response, I used my left hand to grab the dog's jaw. Putting pressure under where his tongue was, the dog was forced to release his grip. Before he could attack again, I gave him a good kick to the side of his face, sending him running with his tail between his legs.

“Stupid mutt,” I mumbled, checking my bloody arm. It wasn't too bad, so I just wrapped it up in an extra shirt from my bag until the bleeding slowed. Then I removed the bloody clothing and pulled on my sweatshirt, covering my injured arm. It'd be awhile before it stopped completely, but I couldn't keep it wrapped up that long.

That's when I heard voices nearby. Stashing my bag inside a nearby hollow log, I ran off to avoid being found.

I wasn't about to go back home. There was a reason for leaving. Not that anyone would care that I was gone anyway.

I didn't run far before I collided with someone, knocking both of us over. Jumping up, I started to run again. However, the person stopped me. He grabbed a hold of my injured arm, right on top of the dog bite.

I winced from the pain, but still tried to struggle against his grip. The boy looked about my age and had orange hair. And he looked pissed.

He started yelling something at me, but I wasn't listening. I merely hissed at the boy like a cat and bit the hand that held onto my arm. This prompted some more yelling and swearing from him, but he let go. Before he had a chance to see where I went, I ran and disappeared up into a nearby tree.


	2. An Encounter With The Sohmas

_That was too close,_ I told myself as I watched the boy from my hiding place. Seconds later, he was joined by three others.

“What happened?” said a boy who appeared to be the same age as the orange haired one. He didn't seem all that concerned about the boy.

“Kyo! You have blood on your hand!” the girl who joined them pointed out. Looking down at my hurt arm, I noticed that blood had soaked through my sleeve. Maybe it hadn't slowed as much as I'd thought.

All of them looked at the boy's hand. The blood certainly didn't come from where I had bitten him. So that meant it was from me.

“Damn. Damn. Damn,” I muttered over and over. The bleeding wasn't likely to stop on its own, but getting it treated would mean going back. So not gonna happen.

“Must have been that girl,” the annoyed orange-haired boy said. “I didn't think I'd actually hurt her.”

“What girl?”

“The one who ran into me, you damned rat!”

“But you didn't transform,” the girl said, obviously knowing something I didn't. “Oh wow! Maybe she's one of the Zodiac!”

“I don't care what she is! She bit me!”

The next thing anyone said got interrupted by the loud snap of the branch I'd been standing on. The branch broke off, sending my tumbling down to the ground. Landing on my foot wrong, my hiding spot had been exposed.

“Oh my,” the oldest one said, then adding something I couldn't hear.

“Damn it,” I panicked. I stood up, only to fall as soon as I tried to run. My leg wasn't broken, but the was no doubt that it was at least sprained.

Next I knew, the boy I had run into had a hold of me again. As much as I struggled it didn't seem to do much good. All that it did was prompt the other boy to help him restrain me.

“No! I won't go back there!” I cried out, desperately trying to get away. Lucky for me, my outburst was just enough to distract them enough to break lose. However, I only made it a few steps before my leg gave out, sending me crashing to the ground yet again.

This time I was restrained by only one person, the older man. With one arm, he held me tight against him. With his free hand, he grabbed my wrist, looking over my bloody sleeve. “Calm down now,” the older one said in a very soothing tone. “Tohru, would you move her sleeve for me?”

As the girl came over, I continued to try and break his grip on me. But when the girl shifted my sleeve down, exposing where the dog had ripped open my arm, I gave up. It was pointless. Even if I broke free, they'd just catch me again.

Quite a bit of blood had run from the wound, a large amount was on my hand. An even larger amount had soaked into the sleeve of my sweatshirt. “That's a pretty nasty bite you got there. Almost big enough to be from a dog.”

“It was a dog,” I mumbled, answering the question of where it had come from before they had a chance to ask. “I got in a fight with a stray.”

None of them said anything. Obviously a high school girl getting into a fight with an animal wasn't normal. Of course, I wasn't normal, so anything I did probably counted as anti-normal.

“Please don't make me go back,” I said weakly, not even bothering to move other than pulling my injured arm out of their grasp.

“Well, what should we do with her?” the older one asked the other three.

“I say leave her,” the orange-haired one said, still angry about me having bitten him. “If she's so desperate to not go home then just leave her here.”

“But she's hurt,” Tohru protested. She was one of those naive, kindhearted types for sure. “We can't just leave her out here alone.”

“Kyo, how could you be so heartless?” the older one said in a much too overly dramatic tone. “The poor girl is too hurt to even walk and you want to leave her out here to bleed to death.”

“Perhaps we can help her tend to her injuries, and then let her decide from there.” So now the other boy speaks. This group seemed like nothing but trouble.

_What the hell have I gotten into?_


	3. Escape Or Stick Around?

I sat alone on the porch. After the four had dragged me back to their home, my arm was bandaged up. Though they had treated me kindly, for the most part, I still didn't trust them.

It's not like I was hanging around the woods and fighting off wild animals for fun. There was a reason I'd run off in the first place. As much I might have wanted to trust them, there was no way I could be sure that they wouldn't just sen me back home.

“Aren't you going to eat?” The girl who lived with the three boys was now standing next to me. I remembered the older one calling her Tohru. She set some food next to me, but I paid little attention to her.

“I'm not hungry,” I said, pushing it away from me. That wasn't completely true, since I hadn't eaten since this morning. But whenever I was worried or upset, I'd often go without eating. Yeah, that's definitely not healthy at all, but that's how I was.

If it weren't for my ankle, I'd have taken off long ago. But for now, I was stuck here.

“Oh, alright then. Maybe later.” Something about her was different than other people I'd met. Not that it matters, soon enough I'd be out of here and on my own again.

 _I'm better off alone,_ I reminded myself, clutching the pendant of my necklace in my hand. It was more of a charm actually. A kid I'd met years ago had helped me to make it. It may look like a really weird necklace, but it was a charm to protect against curses. But it did have its limits.

For one, it only worked for the one who created it. So it made me immune to curses. But if I'd already had a curse on me, it would have no effect on that curse. But any curse on anyone else would have no effect on me and I couldn't trigger their own curses. So yeah, that was really useful. Not that I actually believed in curses.

While I may not have believed that it actually worked, I never took it off. It was more comforting than anything; a reminder that I'd once known someone who had cared about me. In a way, it was also a reminder why I ran away.

“That's a pretty necklace,” a female voice said, drawing me away from my thoughts. I hadn't realized just how long I'd been sitting there. It was dark outside now and the only light was what little there was coming from inside the house where the others were.

“It's a charm,” I corrected her. I knew I was being pretty cold and distant, but that just how I dealt with people. It's not like anyone ever gave me a reason to treat them otherwise. “It was given to me by someone I used to know. He said it was to protect me from curses. As if there were such a thing as a curse.”

My grip on the charm tightened. “He must have been very special to you. I'm sure he cared about you very much.” She'd sat down beside me without me even noticing it until now. Though that didn't bother me, her words did enough on their own.

“What do you know?” I shouted at her and pushed her over, struggling to stand up. After failing several times, I managed to stand and limp away. I couldn't get very far, but it was enough for now.

No one seemed to have followed me. That was probably because they knew I couldn't get very far, not in the condition I was in and with it being dark. Whatever the reason, it didn't matter.

 _I'm alone,_ I reminded myself.  _Always have been; always will. That's just the way it has to be._

The cold wind made me shiver, reminding me that I'd left my bag behind. I couldn't make it all the way back to that tree where I'd been attacked by the stray dog. Holding my arms close to my chest to keep warm, I wished I'd thought to bring my bag here.

“You know, you really shouldn't come out here by yourself,” a voice said from behind me. “You never know what kind of weirdos you'll find prowling around.”

“You mean people like you?” It was a slightly harsh accusation, but based on what I'd heard from the him and the others, it was probably accurate. But from what I could tell, this older guy was a pervert. But I couldn't be too sure how accurate that really was. Regardless, it would be smart to be cautious. “I don't care what you say; I won't go back home. I'd rather die than go back.”

“Sounds like you had rough time,” he said, sitting next to me on the ground. “Wha- Are you cold?”

“I'm fine,” I said, unwilling to admit that I was freezing. They'd taken my sweatshirt when the girl bandaged up my arm, so I was just in a thin t-shirt. It was also fall, so the weather was getting colder every day.

“Why don't you come back with me for the night and then we'll sort things out,” he offered. I still didn't trust him, but I really didn't have any other options this time.

“If I go with you, could I go get my bag?” I asked, trying to think of a reason why I needed it. “I don't want to leave it outside all night.” What I should have asked was, “would you go get my bag?” But I was much too stubborn for that. It was bad enough that I was accepting his offer to stay at his home, I didn't need to ask him for help.

“Was it a dark red one with a snowman keychain on it?”

That was when I got mad again. If they'd found it earlier, then why didn't they say something? “Yeah, that would be it. Why do you ask?”

“Well, Tohru found it with everything in it scattered all over.” I really wanted to punch him at this point, but I restrained myself since he was much bigger and probably a lot stronger than I was. At least he wasn't that short-tempered one; I believe they had called him Kyo. I definitely would have punched him. “I think we picked up everything, but if you like, you can check everything over. If you don't trust us, that is.”

“Why would I trust you?”


	4. Shigure

My things were returned to me after the older one, whose name I learned was Shigure, had helped me back to the house. As much as I hated it, I'd had to accept his help.

Despite any attempts they made to find out anything about me, the only thing they could get me to tell them was my first name. Of course, even that took a lot of work for them.

 _What is with these people?_ I thought. Everyone had gone to bed an hour ago, so only I was awake. I'd been sitting against the wall downstairs and had refused to leave this spot, no matter how much the others had tried to convince me otherwise. I never did like sleeping around other people anyway.

 _Why do they insist on acting so kind? It's not like any of them would actually care._ It was quite frustrating. Sitting there with my blanket wrapped around me, I began to think back on everything that had happened to me in my life. That only reminded me that I was alone; no one ever really wanted me around and even those who did were the type who only ever liked to hurt me.

To try to take my mind off of it, I tried to remember the words of a song I knew. In a way, the song was both sad and beautiful. Funny thing about it, singing it to myself made me feel less sad.

_Come out moon; come out wishing star._

_Come out, come out, wherever you are._

_I'm out here in the dark, all alone and wide awake._

_Come and find me._

Singing had always been that secret bit of happiness that I had. It was the one thing that would never leave me. Never could it cause me pain. That was probably why I loved to sing.

_I hear you laugh; I see you smile._

_I'll be with you, just for awhile._

_But when the morning comes and the sun begins to rise, I will lose you._

_Because it's just a dream, when I open up my eyes I will lose you._

_I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true._

_I've hung a wish on every star; it hasn't done much good so far._

_I don't know what else to do; except to try to dream of you._

_And wonder if you're dreaming too, wherever you are._

For just a moment, I smiled. But when I remembered where I was, I forced it back. There was no trusting these people, so I would have to be careful. Of course, sleep was necessary regardless of my trust issues.

 

I was awakened the next morning by a very loud voice shouting at a quieter voice. I didn't bother opening my eyes; I didn't really care what was going on. Though when there was a loud crashing sound followed by a few words from Shigure, I was forced to open my eyes.

“Sometimes it feels like the whole world is conspiring to destroy my house,” I heard him say to himself in an overly dramatic tone. Apparently the others were gone. Well, it was a Tuesday, so the other three were likely in school.

 _So that means I'm alone with this guy._ I shuddered at the thought.  _Better be on guard; you never know what kind of guy he is. If he's anything like..._ I cut my thought off before I had a chance to remind myself.

“Oh my, I hope those two didn't wake you.” His voice was always so calm that it was a bit irritating. “Those two just can't seem to get along. Are you feeling any better?”

“What do you care?”

“Well I was going to see if a dear friend of mine needed to tend to your injury, but if you're so insistent on not being helped, then I guess there's nothing I can do.” Damn him and that voice of his. What the hell was he trying to do?

“Why would you want to help me?” I tried my best to maintain my tough appearance, but I could feel it slipping away. Why did he have to sound like he cared? If he'd just acted even half as friendly, there wouldn't have been any problem.

“How could anyone be so heartless as to turn away such a sweet little girl in such a time of need?”

Damn that voice! The more he kept up this act, the more my anger started to boil over. “Quit with the nice guy act already! You don't even know me yet you're so insistent on trying to help when I clearly don't want anything to do with you! No one is that nice! Not to me! If I could walk easily on my own right now you wouldn't even bother to even look at me!”

“I'm hurt that you would think so ill of me.” Unbelievable. Even after all that, he still kept acting the same.

_Doesn't this guy ever yell or get angry or... or anything?_

“Oh my,” he said, keeping up that irritatingly gentle voice. “It seems I've left you speechless. I do hope you can get over that before we visit Hatori.”

_Who the hell is this guy?_

 

I ended up being dragged along to wherever this Hatori person was. “Just sit here a moment while I go find Hatori,” Shigure told me before wandering off on his own.

With my ankle in the condition it was in, I couldn't follow him right now. When I'd tried to run so soon after falling from the tree, I'd put too much strain on it. No doubt that had caused even more damage. Getting here had been pretty tough, not to mention very painful.

“Well, you're a new face.” A voice nearby caught my attention. Standing not far from me was a boy who looked similar to Yuki, but he had a darker aura about him.

“Who are you?” I asked. I kept my voice calm since he seemed like someone I wouldn't want to anger. My guess was he had a temper even worse than Kyo's, so I'd better be careful.

“I am the head of the Sohma family, Akito.”


	5. The Secret Of The Sohmas

“Tell me, what do you know of the Zodiac?” It was a strange question, though I assumed he had his reasoning. However, no matter how strange or random this conversation would get, I'd keep a calm, respectful attitude. If this Akito person was really the head of the Sohma family who was trying to help me, then I had better not get on his bad side.

“That depends on which one you are talking about.” I knew of a couple different Zodiacs. One had Leo, Sagittarius, Libra and all those ones that, if my memory was correct, were based on certain constellations. Then there was the Chinese one that consisted of twelve animals that represented the years.

“The Chinese Zodiac of course.”

“Well, I know there are twelve animals relating to it,” I said, pausing just a moment to re-think what I was saying. “Thirteen, if you include the cat that is said to had been left out of the banquet in the old. But I don't believe anyone really knows about him.”

“Interesting...” He said nothing else for awhile. When he noticed I was absentmindedly fiddling with my necklace, he asked about it. “That is a strange little item you have there.”

Realizing what I'd been doing, I let it drop and found myself explaining it to this man who was a complete stranger. “It's a... what's the word? Amulet. It was given to me by someone I was very close to. He told me that it was to protect me; that it made me immune to curses.”

“Are you afraid of being cursed?” Something about his tone made me suspect that he was leading this conversation somewhere that I was better off not knowing about. But, since I didn't want to anger him, I had to answer the question.

“Actually, I don't believe in silly things like curses.” It was kind of ironic, since I never took it off. I always told myself it was a reminder of my former life, but was that really why? “I keep it to remind of everything I've been through. And to remind me that the people who say they love you never really do.”

“That is an intriguing notion. If your memories are that painful to you, perhaps I can assist you,” he said. I studied him a moment, unsure how I show respond to that. What trick did he have up his sleeve? “Hatori has a very... interesting talent when it comes to memories. If you desired, I could have him remove those memories that are troubling you.”

“What's the catch? What do you want in return?” Akito didn't seem the type to help without expecting something in return. But what could I possibly do for him?

“You can be my eyes and ears in Shigure's home. Inform me of any sort of... developments.” So I would be like his spy? That didn't seem like a bad idea. Then I realized what exactly that meant; I would have to live with that irritatingly calm pervert, the nosy air-headed girl, that hot-head and the quiet one that was always fighting with the hot-headed one.

“Oh my, it seems you've met Akito.”

I looked up to see Shigure approaching us with another man walking beside him. “It seems our conversation is at an end. Perhaps we will continue this another time.” Before he stood up to leave, he leaned over so the others couldn't hear the last thing he had to say. “Curses are real. The Sohmas have a curse. Push Tohru onto one of the Sohma boys and watch what happens,” he whispered to me before laughing to himself as he walked away.


	6. A Crack In The Wall

I said nothing to Shigure about what Akito had told me. If what he said was true, then these people that helped me had some sort of weird curse. But what did Tohru have to do with it? I may have only just met them, but even I knew that Tohru wasn't related to them in any way.

“You're a quiet one,” Shigure observed. I hadn't realized it, but I hadn't said a word since we'd left Hatori's after he'd taken care of my hurt ankle. Sure, I wasn't much of a talker anymore, but this was too quiet, even for me. “You know you can talk to us. We're not going to force you to go back to a place where you don't want to.”

That wasn't what was on my mind. In fact, I hadn't even thought about it since I'd met Akito. What was bothering was what he'd said to me.

When I didn't speak, he just sighed. “It's such a shame that such a lovely girl has had to go through so much pain. If only she would talk to me so that I might help,” he said in a far too dramatic tone.

 _Damn that voice of his!_ He was starting to get to me. As much as I didn't want to talk, something about him made me anyway. “Look, I don't need your help. I've gotten through my entire life all on my own. Not like you really want to help anyway.” I sighed and looked over at him from where I sat leaning against the wall.

He seemed slightly amused. “Sounds like it was pretty tough if you think no one would want to help you.”

“It wasn't the tough things that were hard for me,” I said softly, completely giving in. Shigure would never stop trying it I didn't tell him. “I-I just couldn't deal with that and being alone. If it were just one of the two, things wouldn't have been so bad.”

He was silent, allowing me to continue. “My mom died just after I was born. Dad never really liked me much. I think he blamed me for it.” I pulled my knees to my chest as Shigure sat down beside me. “I've been different. Everyone used to make fun of me for it. It was usually behind my back, but once in awhile they would say things to my face. A couple times they even threw things at me when I wasn't looking. But all of that wouldn't have been so difficult if I hadn't been forced to go through it all alone.”

Of course, I had left out some things. Sometimes there are things you just can't tell anyone, no matter how much you'd like to.

“Even though it makes me sound insensitive, just what did they say to you?” It really was a harmless question, but had he asked anyone else, it could have been more upsetting.

“Well, you know how I hissed at that orange haired boy? One group kinda mocked me for slipping up and doing that at another student. But that wasn't the worst one.” Just thinking about it made me upset. I buried my face, trying to hold myself together. The memories still hurt. Sometimes it hurt too much for me to sleep at night and the only thing I could do was cry myself to sleep.

An arm wrapped around my shoulders. “It's over now. They can't hurt you here,” Shigure told me.

That had been all I really needed. Surprising him, I clung to him and buried my face in his chest. All that I'd ever really wanted was someone I could open up to. Someone to tell me that everything would be alright and truly mean it. For the first time in a long time, I let all my emotions that I'd been bottling up for years come out.

“Damn you Shigure...” I mumbled against him as I cried. Years ago, I'd put up a wall between me and the rest of the world. Inside the wall was where I felt safe; no one could get to me. But now, it was getting ready to crumble and leave me vulnerable once again. “You made a crack in my wall...”


	7. A New School

_Why did I let Shigure talk me into this?_  I thought as I looked around the school. He'd managed to talk me into going back to school. Obviously, this wasn't the same one I'd went to before.

He'd been kind enough to let me stay with him, so the least I could do in return was continue going to school. I'd been told that Yuki, Kyo and Tohru attended it as well, though they were second years and I was only a first year.

“If you run into any trouble, just call me or find Tohru,” I remembered Shigure telling me before we'd left this morning. It was comforting knowing I had him on my side.

I wandered around awhile, searching for my class until I eventually found it. After being introduced and taking my seat, I noticed two individuals that stood out. One was a blonde boy wearing a girl's uniform. The other had black and white hair.

When school was over with, the two approached me and introduced themselves. “I'm Momiji and this is Hatsuharu. Sometimes we just call him Haru though.” The blonde boy had been the first to speak. He looked too young to be in high school.

“Um, hi?” It came out as more of a question than I'd intended. Strange guys walking up to me and talking to me? Yeah, not used to that at all.

“You must be shy. Your name is Kira Sohma, isn't it?” the one named Hatsuharu asked. Something seemed a bit off about him, but I couldn't quick put my finger on it.

“It's just Kira,” I corrected him. Since I still didn't fully trust them, I hadn't told anyone what my last name was. Of course, if you're going to attend a school, you have to tell the school your last name. So Shigure suggested that I just say I was a Sohma. On the paperwork anyway. If anyone asked, I'd tell them I didn't have a last name. “I'm not a Sohma, Shigure just told me to use that name if I had to use my last name.”

“There you are Kira!” I could hear Tohru's voice calling out as she ran up to the three of us. “We've been looking for you. Since it's your first day and you don't know the way, we were waiting to walk you home.”

I wasn't sure what to think of that. Why were they doing this? It was obvious that I didn't trust them and had rejected any acts of friendship they'd thrown at me. Had Shigure asked them to? I highly doubted that they were doing it because they wanted to.

“Hi Tohru!” the excited blonde boy said, waving to her.

“Oh, hi Momiji. Hi Haru.”

 _So they know each other? Might want to be careful._ As much as I knew I should be cautious, something about Momiji made me feel too at ease. It reminded me a lot of Shigure. That could be troublesome.

Silently, I turned and started to walk away while I thought they were distracted. Sadly, I was wrong. “Hey, Kira! It's this way!” I almost started walking off in the wrong direction. Maybe I should at least stick around until I know how to get back to Shigure's.


	8. Breakdown

I was a bit surprised when I found out that Momiji and Hatsuharu were part of the Sohma family. That would explain why they would ask if I was really a Sohma though.

Even now, what Akito had said still would come floating back to me. What was is that he said to do? Right, push Tohru onto one of the Sohma boys and see what happens. _Should I really try it though? What am I thinking? Curses aren't real._

Even as I thought about it, I had my doubts. What if there really was a curse? Even better, just what was this curse?

_Better not think about this now. If there is a curse, it's probably better that I don't know._

I forced all thoughts of this curse out of my mind. This wasn't the time or place for that. Right now I was walking through the halls of the school and not paying attention to where I was really going.

My ankle was getting better, but it was healing a lot slower than it should have. As soon as I thought it was back to normal, I'd always push myself just a little too far, damaging what little progress I'd made. I could walk just fine right now, but if I tried to run I would stumble and probably fall.

As much as I tried to avoid thinking about what Akito had said, I still couldn't get it off my mind. Until I ran into someone, anyway. While I'd been thinking, I wasn't watching where I was going and had run right into one of the worst people I could have right now.

Kyo stumbled as I crashed into him from behind. Even after having been living with him for about a month or so now, the two of us still didn't quite get along. Something told me there was going to be an argument coming.

“Hey! Watch it!” he shouted at me before he turned around. As soon as he saw who it was, he looked even more irritated. “Oh, it's you.” He didn't like me; I didn't really like him. In a way, he really reminded me of a lot of the people at my old school. “Watch where you're going.”

He was acting nice because of the others, which irritated me. Normally I would have apologized and run off. Not today. “Make me you stupid cat,” I growled at him, using Yuki's little nickname for him. Even though I had no idea why Yuki always called him that, I would use it if I was annoyed at Kyo. Naturally, that annoyed him even further.

“At least I'm not too weak to walk properly!”

“At least I don't go around grabbing random girls!”

“I don't do that! You knocked me over and tried to run off! Besides, you bit me!”

“Because you were a jackass and kept yelling at me!”

“Yeah? Well you're a freak and no one wants you around!” The longer this went on, the louder our voices had become. “All you do is run away from your problems! Your own mother probably doesn't even-”

If there's one thing you don't do, it's mention anything about my mother. That's a very touchy subject with me. I'd mentioned to Shigure that my mother had died just after I'd been born, but he had kept that secret from the others. He'd known that I didn't trust them, so he'd kept everything I'd told him to himself.

Hearing Kyo mention it now only angered me past my limits. I threw a punch at him, but he blocked far too easily. So instead I pushed past him, shoving him as passed by. I started to run, but my ankle gave out on me and made me trip. Of course I was too stubborn to let that stop me; I just got up and ran off down the hall.

It wasn't until I ran into Shigure that I stopped. Kyo's last few words still echoed through my mind. What he'd said about me being a freak had been true and I was sure the rest of it was too. I could feel myself tearing up as I hugged Shigure. This was turning out to be just like before.

“It's all right,” he told me, stroking my hair soothingly. It made me wonder if this was what my older brother would have been like.

For a awhile, I just quietly sobbed with my face buried in his chest. Again, my conversation with Akito came to mind. This time it wasn't the part about curses that I thought of. This time, I was thinking of the only thing that would help me right now. Between sobs, I barely managed to get the sentence out. Whatever I had to do to make it happen, I would do it. “I want Hatori to make my memories go away.” All I wanted was to forget everything.


	9. Memories

Memories... I guess they may be important to some people, but not to me. All mine seem to do nothing but cause pain.

I'd run away from home to escape them. But memories are a big part of you and who you are. Of course, you can never run away from yourself. So in the end, your memories are always with you... even if you desperately want to get rid of them.

My memories... I want them to go away! Especially the ones of  _him._ Those memories... those are the ones that hurt the most.

 

“Rai!” I remember everything so clearly. The way he looked, how he smelled, the way I would leap into him arms the moment he got home. “You're back!” That was what I'd say to my older brother every day. Rai... he was very important to me.

He would always laugh and hug me tight before telling me all about his day. One day in particular held a special memory. “I have something for you,” he had told me. I tilted my head in confusion as he pulled a book from inside his coat. “I saw this today when I was out with my friend and I knew you'd love it.”

The book had been about various curses, amulets, charms and other things of that nature. Even if I didn't really believe in those things, I found them interesting. One page in particular caught my interest more than the rest. The page that had been marked detailed the creation of something I would carry with me for the rest of my life.

That was the amulet that was around my neck. This reminder of my past was something I'd intended to have Rai help me to make. But before I'd gotten a chance to ask him, he did something that made me very angry with him. I was only seven at the time, so I can't even remember what stupid thing it had been. In the end, I had a classmate of mine help instead.

 

Like all good things, that happiness I'd had with my brother quickly came to an end.

For us, that was when he first went away to a university on the other side of the country. “I'll be back in three weeks to visit you and dad,” he'd told me.

“Promise?” I stared at him with puppy dog eyes. Because I'd been upset about him going away, he'd made the effort to spend all of his last day with me.

He smiled. “I promise. I'll meet you right here in this spot three weeks from now.” Little did I know, he would never keep that promise.

In that place, on the promised day, I stood there and waited for him. Even when it started raining heavily, I was determined to wait for my brother. It wasn't until I'd gotten so sick that I'd collapsed that I realized he wasn't coming.

After that, I decided that I should never trust anyone ever again.

 

Every bad memory I'd ever had was now flashing through my mind. I didn't want to give up all my memories, but what other choice was there? Seeing all of those painful memories for the millionth time... it was more than I could take.

I wanted to all to stop. I didn't want to remember all of this. The only way to make sure it couldn't hurt any more was to erase the memories that cause me pain. But if I were to only erase the painful ones, I would try to find out about those memories and I would be right back where I started.

No, this was the only way. All of them had to be erased.

But if I really want them gone forever, why is it that I'm afraid? I said that I wanted Hatori to take them away, though deep down, I'm not sure that was what I really wanted. If my memories are gone, would I still be able to stay with Shigure and the others?

As much as I say that my mind is made up, why am I still doubting myself?

Is this really what I want?


	10. Why Am I Afraid?

As I thought back through everything, I felt sure that this would be what I wanted. But as I stood there, still clinging to Shigure with Momiji trying to change my mind, I felt scared. I'd said that I wanted Hatori to take away my memories... Could I actually go through with it though?

Even a few days later, my mind kept drifting back to that moment.

Shigure and the others still didn't know who I was. That is, as far as I knew, they knew nothing.

“I want to forget...” I whispered to myself. Sitting here alone and looking up at the night sky above me, I didn't try to cover up my feelings. There was no reason to wear a mask if no one was around.

“Is that really what you want?” At the sudden sound of someone behind me, I turned my head. Standing there in the doorway was Shigure. “Or are you just trying to convince yourself?”

He walked over and sat down, watching the stars with me. “Remembering... it hurts, you know?” There was so much I should have said, things I wanted to say, but I couldn't do it. After the time I'd spent here, I may have grown closer to everyone, but I just couldn't tell them who I really was.

Things were quiet awhile, which was surprising considering how Shigure was. Every second that passed felt like an hour until at last I had gathered the courage to speak. “Nitori.”

“What?” Shigure was confused by the single word that I'd said.

“My last name,” I told him. “If I'm really going to give up my memories, then I should at least tell you the truth.”

Shigure didn't say a word. Probably didn't want to interrupt and make me change my mind. “I don't remember if I ever told you, but I had an older brother,” I told him as I fiddled with my amulet. My brother was something I never talked about to anyone, so even thinking the words I was going to say was difficult. “Rai... I really adored him. We were so close, but that suddenly changed one day.”

“We were supposed to meet one day,” I continued, trying to keep my emotions under control. “It was raining pretty badly, but I stood there and waited for him. Rai... never showed up.”

Shigure placed an arm around my shoulder. “It can be tough when you lose someone you care about.” I didn't exactly  _lose_ Rai. It was more like he abandoned me. But I didn't tell Shigure that. Better to think that it was something out of our control rather than his own choice.

“That happened around the time things started getting really bad at school,” I said, looking down. Had it only been one of the two, it wouldn't have been a problem. “If it weren't for the fact that I was alone, I could have toughed it out. But I had no one, so I had to struggle through everything on my own.”

From there, I went on to tell Shigure what could. The way things were with my father and how I believed that he secretly hated me... the memories I had of Rai when I was just a little girl... everything that wasn't too painful to say...

 

“Did you know that I like to sing when I'm feeling down?” I smiled, gazing up at the starry sky. Things had been quiet for awhile now. The others had more than likely gone off to bed. Actually, that was where I really should have been too.

“Really?” Shigure's voice sounded surprised, but the look on his face was fake. He already knew. I didn't know how, but he had to have known. “What do you sing?”

Regardless of my slight irritation at his faked ignorance, I smiled and looked over at him. “It changes with what I'm feeling, but it always works.” If I were lonely, it would be a song about missing someone. If I felt worthless and unwanted, it would a hopeful and sweet song, usually about dreams. If I were just feeling sad without really knowing why, I'd pick a bouncy, happy song. And if... well, you get the idea.

“What was that song you sang around the time we first brought you here?” Once the words left Shigure's lips, my heart almost stopped. He'd heard me that night... he must have. “That one sounded pretty.”

“You... heard me?”

“I know everything that happens in my house,” he smirked.

“That's creepy.”

Shigure shrugged and ignored the fact that I'd basically just told him that he was creepy. “Will you sing something for me?”

“I-I'm not very good...” I mumbled shyly.

“I thought it was,” he said sincerely. Then his voice suddenly switched over to that overly dramatic one that I was used to and had grown to like. “The one time I heard you, I thought it was some beautiful young angel sent to serenade me.”

No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't stop myself from laughing. “Do you really expect me to fall for a line that fake?”

“It was worth a try.” Shigure winked. “If you would, I'd like to hear you sing.”

As much as I would have liked to, this wasn't as simple as just doing it. I just shook my head. “I can't if I know you're listening.”

As expected, Shigure had an idea of how to get around that. “Then pretend I'm not here.”

I sighed. If only it were that simple. “It doesn't work like that.”

“What if I sing it with you?” he suggested, no even letting a second pass by.

Once again, I wanted to laugh. Luckily I was able to restrain myself this time. Shigure singing? Just the thought of that seemed so unrealistic. “I doubt you know enough words of any song to sing it.”

“Oh? Do you know this song?” He hummed a little tune. It was one I'd heard him humming to himself every once in awhile.

“That's not even a real song.”

Shigure smiled at me. I was right and we both knew it. “It's one I made up.”

With a smirk, I decided to challenge him. “Sing it then.”

“No thank you.”

He'd answered that a little too quickly. If I didn't know better, I say he was embarrassed about it. Or at least afraid to sing it out loud. “Then what's it about?”

“I'd rather not say.” Pausing a moment, he glanced around as if he were looking for something before turning back to me. “Better not to risk a beating from Yuki or Kyo.”

Better not risk a beating from Yuki or Kyo? That statement alone said much more than Shigure could have said about it. “Something perverted?”

“I prefer 'creative.'”

Once again, my guess was right. “So it's perverted?” I said again.

“Creative,” he corrected me.

From there the conversation seemed to go on for hours. Soon enough, we'd lost track of the time as the two of us sat there under the stars.

 

“You're still going to go through with it?” Shigure asked, bringing up the reason we'd began talking earlier in the night. “You'd really give up all your good memories like this one?”

Good memories? Yes, I guess this would be one of the good memories. Even if there were a lot of bad ones, there still were good ones too. “I have to.” I'd made my decision, so I had to stick with it. To back out now... it would be cowardly. “If I want to be able to move on with my life, this is the only way.”

“If you insist,” he sighed. As he stood up and started to walk away, he stopped and looked back at me. “You should have a little talk with Hatori first though.”

As he left me there alone, my mind wandered back to where it had been before Shigure had interfered. When it got there, that same fear I'd been feeling then came back.  _This is what I want. But... why is it that I'm so afraid?_


End file.
